genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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