I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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