forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
that may or may not have been my penis.
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