So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
