Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
