Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
