I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize