i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize