Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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