Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
