Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
