someone threw a dead crab at me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
