ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's no shave November. This is our time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
