i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
