If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
