i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Randomize
