I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
