I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize