my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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