I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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