did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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