i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
