Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize