My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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