I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
