dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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