Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
