I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
