I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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