if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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