is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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