If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
