And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
