apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
