yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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