we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
