So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
