I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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