and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
