What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
