oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
