you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
