They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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