you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
