I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
