The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
