On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
