he thought i was a dude.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize