I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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