she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize