and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
