OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
