i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
