and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
