Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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