There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
