so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
