i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
