almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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