she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
