I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the day after is always just damage control
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
