My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
