please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
