So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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